The following is a transcript of the four-minute conversation between Prime Minister of Nepal, Pushpa Kamal Dahal 'Prahanda', and US President George W. Bush at a reception.
Prachanda - Lal Salam!
Translator - Red Salute!
Bush - High five!! (hesitantly) Man, I thought you were giving me a high five when you raised your fist like that.
Prachanda - That's how we do it in Nepal.
Bush - And who are you?
Prachanda - The Aweseome, man. Prachanda, prime minister of the People's Republic of Nepal. Remember a tiny nation with a Maoist insurgency like Latin America? The one your press secretary keeps confusing with Tibet?
Bush - My dad would know more about it, him being in the CIA and stuff back during the hippie days. Come to think of it, you must be the first prime minister with a nom de guerre. So how's it going?
Prachanda - Well, for starters, we won the elections.
Bush - What? Maoists? Winning through the ballot?
Prachanda - Um, you could call it that. But in all honesty, we used our fair share of bullets -- or rather sticks and knives -- as well during the elections.
Bush - I wish I could do the same for McCain. Looks like Obama's gonna give him a whopping.
Prachanda - Change! Change we can believe in.
Bush - Like your budget!
Prachanda - My budget! It is change. It is change we can believe in. My Maoist soldiers in the cantonments can believe that the forty point five dollars they get is going to change their lives (half of which go to the YCL, by the way). Change, change that the landed will have to acknowledge once we take away their lands, change in cyber laws, change in… (Phone rings) Hullo… Yes, flood in the far-west? Since when do we care about the far-west!
Bush - What happened? Flood? Like waters coming into New Orleans? Well, in the true spirit of generousness, the US is ready to send in FEMA, if you so require.
Prachanda - FEMA? Are you kidding? FEMA is more corrupt than the Royal Nepal Army and less efficient to boot, or worse than even the YCL. Actually, with elections around the corner, you could use an organization like that - call it the Young Republican League or something. It worked wonders in Nepal. And it is working wonders for Obama, with his Internet-savvy and bluetooth-using Young Change League.
Bush - So is that how you won elections? I ain't that bad myself when it comes to cheating elections. Remember 2000, when Al Gore had to concede even after he had technically defeated me.
Prachanda - Seems it served him well though. Got him the Nobel prize. I wouldn't mind that myself, as long as I don't have to share that with Girija, who'd make it a point to steal the limelight.
Bush - Forget the Nobel. It is for sissies, for election losers… Even old boy Jimmy has one, ha!
Prachanda - Now don't go about bashing Jimmy Carter. He's a nice man. Declared the CA elections free and fair even before they were over. And all those efforts he made to remove us from your terrorist list. I had even promised him to change our party's name, remove the reference to Mao and all (whose grave was really cool, by the way).
Bush - So you folks think it was Jimmy who was responsible for the thawing of our relations. Actually, I didn't totally remove you from the list just to bug ole Jimmy.
Prachanda - Really! That surprises me, thinking of how much influence ex-prime ministers, ex-ministers, and even ex-kings can have on our national policy. Even the Home Minister responsible for repressing the April Uprising is already a media staple.
As Bush stares blankly unable to get the reference, Prachanda tries of other light talk. Say, what do you think of all this Obama business, a black man for a presidential candidate? Musn't have gone well with your Texan ranchers.
Bush - These are turbulent times, man. And what about your own country? A Madhesi for not only a president, but a vice president too.
Prachanda - But we wanted it that way…
Bush - So we say, so we all say. Well, how about that tall lanky fellow - what's his name - ah, Moriarty. Very nice fellow. Loquacious, to say the least. That's one of the new words I just learnt. You must miss him, no?
Prachanda - Not at all, glad to see him gone. We rather like the new lady. Keeps to herself for the most part. Even surprised me with a visit. So where is he right now, your man Moriarty?
Bush - Thinking of his stellar record in Nepal, we considered Venezuela. But I'm sure he'd be kicked out from there before he even got off the plane. Maybe we ought to send him back to Nepal. He seemed to really hang in there.
Prachanda - God forbid, no! Say, what about a nuclear deal like the one you just signed with India as a representative of our changing relations, a gesture of goodwill…
Bush - Well, I think a four-minute conversation is more than generous for a Maoist prime minister of a tiny underdeveloped country like Tibet…
Prachanda - Nepal. People's Federal Republic of…
By the time Prachanda manages to utter Nepal, Bush is already chasing the White House turkey in the White House lawn that has been brought for the Thanksgiving, in advance for Bush's entertainment. Cheney meanwhile manages to pull back his hunting gun, just in time averting a disaster of monumental proportions for the upcoming US presidential elections.
from the KTM Post - http://kantipuronline.com/kolnews.php?&nid=162814
No comments:
Post a Comment